hey y'all

please see here. mind you don't touch anything, i have the flu.

brandon

a lesson in individuality or an oversight? either way, brandon's parents doomed him to ridicule when they sent him in shorts and rubber boots on his first day. kids are so mean.

derek

after blowing a tire peeling out of his driveway, derek decides to put the canoe up on the car. the next morning we hear, "who put the fucking canoe through the windshield?"

nicole

nicole is 'slipping into comfy clothes, cool drink on a hot day, digging toes into wet sand, soft breeze at sunset' kind of comfort. nothing's easier than spending an afternoon with nicole.

elvis

....confesses at gunpoint, he just wants a sandwich. the police agree he seems pretty jovial for a bankrobber and send him home to sobber up. in the confusion, i over charge him.

man who didn't want to pay

"911, what is your emergency?"
"well, i gave him his bill and now he is threatening to break his plate over my head. oh, wait, he is paying, but clearly still agitated."

man with a brown paper sack

it was leaking. the sack. he wanted me to nuke the contents. i wouldn't. this was the wrong answer, so he swung the sack over the customer's heads on the way out.

annette

annette leaves a trail of broken pieces behind her, for she is lost. the grown up gretel tears bits of jason's heart, and gabriel's security and travis's self-esteem to mark her way.

kent

kent watched television. if he wasn't home, one could estimate his departure time by the set's warmth. still, he was creative. his car was a sedulous interplay of metal and duct tape.

mark

mark wore a white man's fro and called himself chichi rodriguez when out dancing, or just because. he switched from engineering to english in his second year; he really didn't believe ertw.

joel

joel used a "move" that would make my breath catch in my throat. once we almost got arrested for trying to tree a couch. he was a keeper that someone else kept.

me

jenn wonders what she will be when she grows up. it's a little joke but one she likes to use to mask uncertainty. she aspires to be SUPERCOOL, but spunky is good.

mark

mark was our ticket in. our backstage pass into the japanese culture, yet he remained as mysterious and elusive as the very country we were trying to infiltrate, despite his canadian upbringing.

erin

erin made everyone hand over pictures that possibly painted her in an unflattering light. someday i am confident i will say, i used to know the president back when she lived in.......

jen w

jen's frequent flasher has just proudly shown his wares for the third time. however, this time she is ready. in flawless japanese, laughing, she yells, "do you call that a penis?"

j

j is leaving soon. she is moving out west to reunite with a husband who had an affair for the span of their marriage, while all around her, friends nurse second babies.

charles

charles eats a large fish and chips at the cash; ketchup drips onto my newspaper. "DUDE! sorry bout that." in a past life he played ted, but i am a sorry bill.

couple who buy the globe and mail

every saturday without fail, some odd argument to check my response; hysterical laughter at my replies. they think i am quaint and quirky. i think they are scouting for a potential threesome.